Watching for Orioles

the challenge isn't to ignore the pain.

the challenge is to not make life only about the pain.

-mark nepo-

Day 25/31: i have been dealing with a sinus headache for what feels like a week now. oh, it is so hard to enjoy life and work from this space. if you live in austin, you are used to seasonal allergies year-round, and i assume this is what is causing my woes. while struggling this winter with low energy from mono, i feared i would never feel like myself again.  i experienced everything through the veil of my mono. when you feel bad, it is hard to experience the joys in life.but this is true life. we are never completely without pain of some sort. it may be physical or emotional, but there will always  be something. i know my headache will lift and i will go on and be content again. 

when i went to hear mark nepo speak this past fall, he told a story about paradox. mark is a cancer survivor and shared about a time when he and his wife were waiting for these beautiful baltimore orioles to arrive at their bird feeder. he said they arrive in michigan maybe for just a couple days, and then they are gone. at the moment that the birds did arrive to his feeder, he was coping with some terrible stomach pains. he said, in that moment he made a choice. he took pleasure in the beauty of the orioles while he was also experiencing great pain. he said, "i don't want to deny my pain but I need to be able to let in that beauty, and we are faced with these choices in more subtle forms every day. "

so today i am facing choices in those subtle forms. a sinus headache will not stop me from letting in the beauty of this day. i am waiting, watching for the orioles.