I Already Am

"plants are the most spiritual beings on the planet. 

they become exactly what they are intended to be." 

Day 29/31: it was a slow work-day. no people to see so i mostly stayed home working on a presentation on grief i will be giving at the community college next month. there is nothing that makes you want to take a nap more than working on a grief presentation all day. i spent a lot of time looking at clips and quotes online about grief, only to affirm how truly difficult it is to be a human being on this planet. i decided i needed to look away for a bit, so i started going through an album of images i have that make me happy.

in there was a picture of two calla lilies.  calla lilies make me happy. they remind me of california, my wedding, happiness, and darn it--grief as well. but mostly about happy things. unfortunately calla lilies are toxic to cats so i never get to have them in the house. last christmas nick bought me a bunch and they kept well for a few days in the cupholder of my car. the thing about calla lilies i love is analyzing their form. when i sit there and look at them, i want to draw them. they are hard to draw. their curves, the way the whiteness blends in with the green, sometimes purple. it's beautiful.

last week my colleague and friend shared with me a quote she brought back from a conference in santa fe. it was said to be from carl jung, though she wasn't able to confirm it, but regardless of who said it, i think that it is true. plants exist without expectation and anxiety. they unfurl on nature's watch and the sun's time. they root, they grow, blossom, grace the world a while, and then they die. and that is what is intended. 

as i draw these calla lilies i reflect on who i am intended to be, and realize that through this process...i already am.