And I Could Not Ask for More

"i found all i've waited for

and i could not ask for more."

-edwin mccain-

Day 31/31: so my math was a little off. today is sunday the 17th and i am finishing up 31 days of art and reflection. tuesday i will turn 31 and begin a new year in my personal calendar. i take a moment this morning and reflect back on 30. on my 30th birthday, i had to call in sick to work, and my whole family spent the day at the doctor's office, me with yet another sinus infection. and that day was not unlike too many others that followed this past year. it got really hard. the following month my daughter turned one, and i think i had some expectation that things would just get easier. in some ways they might have, but really, there is no "easy" in parenting a small child and working full-time. i can accept that now. somehow i managed, like everyone else does too. even in the midst of challenge, good things were happening. around that same time, with the help and support of a good friend, i reached a goal of starting a small private practice. the challenge and fulfillment this has brought to my year has been remarkable. 

we faced our first thanksgiving and christmas without my grandma here. and my first christmas to not go home. we all survived it, grateful for the joy that ruby's life now brings to our family. then there were the four months in the 30th year that were not so good. january to april put me in my place and challenged me on a whole new level. all i can say about it now is that i survived it and hope i don't ever go there again. i thought that i had good coping skills for stress, and i thought that the stress i faced was not unlike any other person's stress, but for some reason this year it got to me on a cellular level. as i enter the 31st year i am hopeful that i have made enough positive changes in my life and body so that i am not taken over by that kind of cloud again. this whole phase forced me to really embrace mark nepo's story about watching the orioles. there was still so much good, even when things were hard.  babies were born, weddings were celebrated, families remained together... the beautiful birds still came by.

tonight my dear friend is taking me to a concert for my birthday. i have been looking forward to it for months. although i have seen edwin mccain three times already, i can't wait for this evening's show. edwin had a couple really big hits in the 90's and i remember loving his songs when i was in high school. so tonight, i realize that i have carried his music with me over three different decades. the words still have meaning and especially this year, after lots of ups and downs, i think it is fitting to end one year, and start the next with those words in mind...

these are the moments i thank god that i'm alive

there are the moments i'll remember all my life

i found all i've waited for

and i could not ask for more.

here's to 31! i could not ask for more and i won't. this project has only helped to reaffirm what i already knew to be true. i am where i am supposed to be, surrounded by the most kind and generous people, and lucky to be able to experience this journey called life through these eyes and this heart of mine.

peace and love,

carly