To Be Broken

to be broken is no reason to see all things as broken.

-mark nepo-

Day 27/31: today was a toughie. i sat in my car dreading what i was about to do. some days are just like that. it's not that i haven't done this hundreds of times before, but on this day, i did not want to do it. a certain level of detachment is required to work with the dying. you can't ever really imagine yourself in your patient's shoes because that is the trap that renders you paralyzed and unable to help them. today i felt like my foot got caught in the trap. i think we all did. when caught in the trap, the world feels broken, and hopeless.

we used to be avid watchers of the the nightly news, always abreast of what was happening in the world (as reported by western media). for the past six months or so we consciously stopped watching it. the news was making me feel broken. i have to escape the dark shadow that all the pain and sadness can cast upon my life in order to remain sane, in order to be able to continue giving.

as i sat in that garage, thinking about how unfortunate the situation was that was awaiting my arrival, i got great news. a dear friend had given birth to a healthy baby boy. somewhere in the world, people are rejoicing. here they are mourning. there is space for both.